Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Christmas Decorations and the Love of God

For my fourth birthday my parents gave me a nutcracker. I was instantly enchanted. I remember playing with it each Christmas throughout my childhood. I couldn’t wait to pull him out of the boxes of holiday decorations each year. He was my nutcracker, and I loved him.

And then there was that not-so-lovely Christmas after I lost my eye. I was still grieving, adjusting, and feeling uncertain about the future. I found my nutcracker in the box of decorations and happily set him next to me while I kept unwrapping other decorations. A few minutes later I glanced back at my nutcracker and was startled to see this: 
He had lost his eye. Cameron and I now joke that my redheaded, well-meaning guardian angel knocked it out while my back was turned to help me feel less alone. Cameron made a little case and put the dismembered eye in it, and they sit together like this each Christmas. 
It may seen silly, but having a one-eyed nutcracker now reminds me of how much the Lord knows me and my struggles. I've never seen it as any coincidence that my beloved nutcracker somehow lost his eye the same year I lost mine. Now when I see my nutcracker I feel the Lord’s love for me. I know that He knows me, how I feel, and what I need. And it just so happens that during that dark Christmas and in happier Christmases since, having a monocular nutcracker has made me feel joyful and loved. It’s OK that my nutcracker only has one eye. And it’s OK that I only have one eye, too. 

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