I should probably preface my next sentiment by saying that there are scads of women in this world who I am sure have harder pregnancies than mine. Yes, I feel pretty darn lousy for a few months in the beginning, but I almost never throw up. Yes, I experience lots of other aches and pains throughout the nine months, but I am sure there are lots of women whose experiences are worse than mine. So the last few weeks whenever I have started to think I was a little bit miserable (such as when the kids and I came down with bad colds at 37-1/2 weeks along), I have reminded myself that I chose this because I think our children are worth it. They are. And that little thought always pulls me out of my pity party in a hurry.
Recently we attended the wedding of Cameron's brother, where we enjoyed seeing and catching up with lots of relatives who we don't see often enough. Among them were Cameron's aunt and uncle who opened their home and took such good care of us when we had to go to California for my cancer treatment. During one conversation we had with them, Cameron's uncle recalled the terrible trauma of my cancer experience. I responded with something like the following:
"When I look back now, I don't remember the trauma much anymore. I see the miracles and blessings and how much I've learned. I think any trial can become a blessing if we let it."
Of course, getting to this place of peace was no easy road. But as I look back through the last few years, I see how God put the right people and experiences in my path to bring me healing. And I know that I am safe in His hands.
"Behold, I have graven thee upon palms of my hands..." Isaiah 49:16
We do not know what the future holds. But we know who holds the future.
"The center of His will is our only safety" --The Hiding Place
I do not know all the reasons why I got to have cancer. But I know if I walk with God, He will show me. And I will marvel at His plan.
I do not know when my baby will come. But I know we are both in His hands. And though I may be tired and huge, being in His hands is still the best place to be.