I was surprised by the flood of emotions I felt as I walked away holding Abby's hand on one side and balancing Grace on my other hip. Jake has always been very intelligent--at times I have wondered if I have the capacity to provide the right opportunities to sufficiently challenge his growth. I felt a calm confidence that Jake was prepared and I had done what I could as a mother to prepare him. I could walk away, let go, and trust his abilities.
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking
around outside your body,"--Elizabeth Stone
Motherhood is a paradoxical journey. It is loving your children so deeply and fiercely and sacrificing yourself to teach and prepare them. Then it is releasing them, letting them go, hoping you've given them the right tools, trusting, and standing back to watch them fly.
Two days later Cameron and Jake left early on a Saturday morning for the final day of testing. Five minutes later the phone rang; Jake was calling because he hadn't given me and the girls hugs and kisses before leaving. He blew a kiss into the phone for me. I silently cried. One day my boy will grow up and move away. Thank goodness for now he's still mine to hold.