Our Little Pumpkin Patch

The year Jake was born a neighbor gave us a little pumpkin Halloween suit that didn't fit her little boy. We had a great time taking pictures of our little pumpkin that year.

A couple years later Abby got to take her turn...

Then Grace...

And now Emma.

I never would have dreamed we would have used this same suit for four kids, but I sure love our little pumpkin patch.

Of Autumn and Anticipation

I absolutely love fall. I haven't always felt this way. A few years ago I would have said I loved spring. And I still do. But the older I get the more I love fall.

I love swinging with my girls in the backyard and singing songs about falling leaves.

I love the gorgeous fall leaves on the mountains, canyons, and in my own yard.

I love the way the cooler temperatures whisper of good things to come--costume parades, hot cocoa, warm fireplaces, gratitude lists, nativity sets, and oh so many wonderful family traditions. Oooh, just thinking about it makes me giddy. I love fall.

And these days as I spend endless days carrying, rocking, singing to, and talking to our sweet little Emma, I can't help thinking about how having a baby is a little like autumn. I love autumn because of all the good things that I know are just around the corner. The same is true of having a baby. When I hold Emma I wonder what her personality will be. I can't wait to see her start cooing more, sitting up, crawling, laughing, running, and playing with her siblings. I wonder further down the road what her talents will be, what she will become in this world of ours. I look at pictures of our other kids, remember when they were babies, and feel deeply grateful that we welcomed each of them into our family. Through the days and nights, the ups and downs, each child has a place in our home, and I can't wait to see what each will do as life progresses.

I don't really love being cold, but I do love the fall. Pulling out the fuzzy socks and gloves is a small price to pay for the joy of autumn holidays. And much as I appreciate a good night's sleep and a clean, quiet house, caring for a child is a small price to pay for the joy that will come as she grows. It is a privilege to be a mother.

Our Secret Weapon

Years ago I stumbled across a parenting book that I love: Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen. I like a lot of her ideas, but one that has made a big difference in our family is the concept of family meetings. I would consider this to be a critical part of how life functions around here. Here is how it goes.

Every Sunday night we gather around a large bowl of popcorn. (The popcorn is really just there to keep the kids engaged in the topics at hand because, hey, our kids are young. But it works because food is a good attention-getter for any child, right?) We start with a prayer and then go around the circle and everyone says one thing they love about every other family member. Then we get down to business. (Not that expressing love isn't important business, but anyway...)

Throughout the week any family member can add agenda items to a little white board that hangs in our kitchen by our table. Cameron and I frequently add family concerns or troublesome behavior patterns or other issues. The kids can add things, too. Sometimes if they come to me with a concern I tell them we'll add it to the agenda.

You may notice that the agenda item this particular week was "name calling role play". We had been working on a little name-calling issue around here, so that week we role played different things the kids could say instead of calling names if they get frustrated. Perhaps your kids are angels and would never dream of calling someone dumb or mean. If so, we still highly recommend role playing for other issues. When we do this we give a scenario, and Cameron and I try to really ham up a response with lots of drama. The kids think it's hilarious and really enjoy role playing. Hopefully they gain a few skills in the process.

Family meetings give our kids a voice in lots of decisions--everything from planning family trips to discussing calendar items to deciding rules and consequences for some chronic behavioral issues. Of course, we still have the final say. But the kids feel heard and involved. And we hope it establishes a long-term family culture of love and listening. 

We like to end our meetings with a group hug and our family cheer. No matter what we've been discussing and how it has gone, we try to end on a high.

I love the spirit of involvement and problem solving that is accomplished through regular family meetings. I love the feeling of unity when the kids shout out our family cheer. I like to think of family meetings as one of our family's secret weapons to success. I would recommend them to anyone. 

I Never Knew I Would Love It

It had been another week at the library--storytime followed by checking out armloads of books for the kids (plus a few for myself.)

We headed out into the sunshine, but Abby stopped on the steps outside. A mother and a couple kids were heading inside, and one of her little boys had a prosthetic leg that was clearly visible beneath his shorts. Abby stared and stared as the boy scampered obliviously up the stairs and into the building.

"Abby," I said. "Isn't that cool? That boy has a special leg just like I have a special eye."

Of course, this label launched us into a discussion about why the boy had a "special" leg. I offered a few suggestions. And, as I always do in such scenarios, I felt grateful to the tips of my toes for the opportunity to show our kids that different is OK.

I am always the first to admit that cancer is no fun and no one should have to go through what we went through. And yet, so often I am grateful I have a personal experience to relate as I try to demonstrate for our children that different is OK. Sometimes it's wonderful. Before my cancer I don't know how I would have responded to Abby staring at that little boy. But now such little experiences are priceless teaching moments.

I never knew how much cancer could teach me. I never comprehended the depths I would discover or the joy that would follow our sorrow. I never knew how much I would love sharing the things I have learned.

Safe Place

It hadn't been the greatest couple of days for neighborhood adventures with our kids. Abby had come home sad when two other little girls told her she was little. Jake had been left out by a "friend". Then he came in to announce that two "friends" outside were excluding him because he didn't cheer for the same sports team. (There's not much hope for him here with two nerd parents.)

I did my best to listen and empathize with Jake. In the end, Jake, Cameron and I all gathered in the kitchen to make pizza for dinner. Cameron took the crust out to the grill then back in for toppings. Jake grated cheese. I added the toppings.

Cameron made a quick joke.

"Dad, you're funny. Mom, you're funny," Jake said.

It was a delightful few minutes. Everything felt cozy, safe, and threaded with love and togetherness.

"Jake," I said impulsively, "it's so good to have you here with us. Thanks for being such a good helper!"

"Among the many things science has taught us about high-risk and low-risk families is the need           for parents to be safe for their children to be around. Safe from criticism, sarcasm, preaching,             screaming, hitting, abuse (in any form), pleadings, and other "traps" parents get themselves               into. Regularly gathering our family about us provides a powerful safeguard against               circumstances that put families at risk." --Christlike Parenting by Glenn Latham

I wish I could protect my children from every little negative encounter in life. But that's not really how life works. But I can seize the opportunity to listen, love, and create a safe, peaceful environment that they will want to come home to.