Queen of Clean
by Rachel Sullivan
That woman’s bathroom counters are always sparkling white,
I hear she stays up extra late to scrub them every night.
Her sink and tub both gleam so bright you have to look away;
If you don’t you’ll have to live with damaged retinas one day.
You may look for your reflection but it doesn’t really matter
If you use the chrome or mirror—one is rounder, one is flatter.
Her kitchen, halls, and main rooms are all the sterile same.
I’m pretty sure a hospital room accommodates more stains.
In the evenings and the weekends, she doesn’t take a rest,
She labors to ensure her yard and garden look the best.
Her grass is always greenest, her weeds wither ‘neath her stare.
Her bushes and her trees are pruned and fertilized with care.
If you find that this description precisely sums up you,
I’m sure that you enjoy your house and yard and garden, too.
If you want to stop and visit and share tips on how to mop,
I’ll need a little notice so I can vacuum, dust, and shop.
I’ll pick up air refresheners, replace my smelly rags.
I might even see fit to buy some name-brand garbage bags.
By the time you make it to my door, my surfaces will shine.
My closets will be stuffed quite full with toys all left behind.
My smile will gleam, you’ll think my house is always so serene.
You’ll wonder way deep down if I should be the Queen of Clean.
I’ll heave a sigh and shut the door as you head down my walk.
You’ll never know my secret ‘cause my dust bunnies don’t talk.
Despite the views expressed in this poem, I actually do value a clean house. Most days I find cleanliness and motherhood to be completely incompatible. But that's a discussion for another day.