Thursday, February 28, 2013

The Power of a Word

It was just another trip to the doctor--I was trying to keep my lively brood under control while our pediatrician checked Grace for an ear infection. Then Dr. Valentine typed a prescription while Grace and I tried to find a peaceable solution to my need to have her clothed before going outside in freezing temperatures. Apparently the doctor noticed something of my efforts, because when he finished he stood and said with a smile, "You and your husband are always so nice to your kids!"

"We try," I laughed.

"I can tell," he said.

The visit was over, and I herded everyone toward the car. But for hours afterwards I noticed that his words stuck with me. Not only was I more conscious of my efforts to be nice, but I think I tried harder, too. I thought of this quote from Charlotte's Web, which I had recently read to the kids.

"Charlotte had written the word RADIANT, and Wilbur really looked radiant as he stood in the golden sunlight. Ever since the spider had befriended him, he had done his best to live up to his reputation. When Charlotte's web said SOME PIG, Wilbur had tried hard to look like some pig. When Charlotte's web said TERRIFIC, Wilbur had tried to look terrific. And now that the web said RADIANT, he did everything possible to make himself glow." 

I couldn't help thinking of my kids. If one little compliment would affect me for hours, how do the words I say affect them? Do the words I choose build them up, encourage them, make them feel like they can conquer the world? Or do I nag, pester, and discourage?

For Valentine's Day this year Cameron and I wrote specific, heartfelt notes for each child gushing about their strengths and how much we love them. After dinner we took a few minutes with each child to read the letters and affirm our love. And wow, you should have seen the smiles and delightful behavior we saw. (OK, they still didn't want to go to bed on time. But we're discussing children, not robots.)
The bottom line is that there is power in our words. The words we share with spouses, children, friends, neighbors, acquaintances, and loved ones make a difference. We can build people up and make them feel like a million bucks with a little compliment. Or we can tear down and discourage with impatience and criticism.

So the question is, what words will we choose today?

Monday, February 25, 2013

Give It Your Best Game Face

Several months ago I was feeling beleaguered and tired of housework. We had just finished dinner, and I was facing mealtime clean up without much energy. So I flexed my not-very-impressive biceps and gave our kitchen sink my fiercest I-am-about-to-take-you-down expression.

Unfortunately, Cameron witnessed my little show of aggression from across the kitchen. “Uh, what are you doing?”

“Giving the dishes my game face,” I explained nonchalantly.

At this point Cameron probably figured that my sanity wasn’t faring so well under the pressures of young motherhood, but he’s much too sweet to say so.

In case you want to try it, I must confess that giving the dishes my game face actually works, if for no other reason than it makes me laugh. And laughter is life’s best medicine, right?
Jake is afraid even if the dishes aren't. 
Recently Jake was whining about the hardships of having to wipe the table after dinner before moving on to more enjoyable activities. He had retreated to the bathroom to pout. I went to encourage him. I gave him a step-by-step tutorial on how to give a game face. He didn't do it. But he did laugh and do his job. 
Cameron and Abby perfecting their game faces
Really. You should try it sometime. 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Motherhood Love, Joy, and Sacrifice

When I was pregnant with Jake I looked around in sheer awe at all the women I knew who had more than one child. I was miserably sick (though not as miserably sick as some women), and I couldn't believe women would endure such suffering multiple times.

A couple years later when I was pregnant with Abby I was once again sick and miserable. But this time I would look at my sweet toddler Jacob and think to myself, "It's worth it. It's worth it. It's all worth it." By then I was starting to suspect that there was a purpose behind the miseries of pregnancy, labor, and delivery.

Motherhood is governed by the same law as the rest of life: we care more about the things we work for. So if we spend a few months feeling pregnant and miserable, or a few years wondering if we will ever be blessed with a child, perhaps we are being silently, slowly, imperceptibly transformed from women with slightly more self-centered motives to mothers--people who are called upon at all times of day and night to care for little people who can't provide for themselves. Our souls are being stretched to love another person with a love that is more pure and deep than any other force on earth. We become mothers through our sacrifices.

I have thought of that concept the past few weeks as I have wished that my morning sickness would go away. The house hasn't been as clean because I have been too sick to care. And I have spent lots of time lounging on the couch because I have been too tired to do much else. So I have sat and read books, snuggled my kids, told them how much I love them, and gazed with wonder into their precious faces. I have marveled at the beauty of motherhood, that I am allowed the privilege of getting to know these delightful little souls who are entrusted to my care. It is a beautiful journey and a sacred trust.

I have also thought about joy. I feel joy when I look into the faces of my children, and the beauty of their little eyes, cheeks, noses, and mouths takes my breath away. I feel joy when they play nicely together, share, help, and comfort each other, and I rejoice in the choice we have made to give them another little sibling to love. I feel joy when they know I am sick and offer to bring me a snack or let me rest a while. I take joy in the little moments of motherhood that I might otherwise be too hurried to even notice.
The pains and sacrifices of motherhood and the joy of motherhood are just two separate sides of the same coin. And I rejoice that I can sacrifice and be on the journey of motherhood. I thank heaven for little children--for my children--and that I can be their mother. Yes, it is worth it. All of it. Even morning sickness.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Silence Is Golden

When I was young we had a little wooden Fisher Price giraffe that I played with. According to my mother, I spent hours sitting on it. Shortly after Jake was born my mom found a slightly older, nearly identical version on e-bay and sent it to us. Through the years our kids have all enjoyed playing with it.
Grace (approximately 9 months) aboard the giraffe
Recently part of the back came off. Thanks to the wonders of Gorilla Glue, Cam and Abby had it back in working order in no time. Not long after, I noticed that Jake had attached a little leash of sorts to the giraffe.
He is a little boy, so he couldn't just gently walk the giraffe on the leash--he was using it to twirl the giraffe around in the air. I watched and thought about issuing a warning about potential disasters or at least a reminder of the giraffe's recent surgery. But then I thought about what Jake's response to my counsel would be.

"Oh, I'll be careful, Mom." And then in his head he would be thinking something like, "Mom is always underestimating my awesome skills. Mom has no idea I can do this...or this...And she would never believe I can do this..." So I bit my tongue and didn't say anything.

Somewhat to my surprise (but not to Jake's) neither Jake, the giraffe, nor any local animate or inanimate objects were harmed during any of his stunts.

Some parenting books claim that parents should talk less and act more. I'm not sure I'm good at either one. How nice that I have so many opportunities to practice.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Cupid Week Summary

One thing that I absolutely love about motherhood is seeking out and creating meaningful family traditions. I love caroling with our family and friends at Christmas, passing our bowl of rocks around during Thanksgiving, attending Fourth of July parades, and driving around while Cameron and the kids dash in and out of the van to heart attack a few local widows and beloved neighbors in February. I love all of the traditions that surround General Conference weekends at our house. And last week when Abby asked when we were going to have our Passover dinner that we have the week of Easter, I had to smile. Traditions are fun to anticipate and wonderful to enjoy. Hopefully as the years pass our children will pick up a few things that we deliberately look to instill like faith, gratitude, service, patriotism, and love.

So last fall when I saw a post on Power of Moms that mentioned one family's Cupid Week tradition, I made a mental note. Any tradition that teaches my children to perform acts of kindness for each other sounds like a winner to me. The basic idea is to assign your children to each other as secret pals, then encourage them to give small treats and do small kindnesses for each other throughout the week. Of course, our children are young, so this year our rendition of Cupid Week was fairly basic and will definitely need some future alterations. For starters, in future years I will hold a little planning session with all the local germs to make sure two-thirds of my kids aren't sick the week of Valentine's. But also, this year Grace was too young to really participate, so Jake and Abby were assigned to each other and there wasn't much secrecy about that. Small though our numbers were, I think they still had fun.

I admittedly didn't love waiting in the grocery store aisles with Jake and Abby individually while they chose surprises for each other. But I did love talking to them about thoughtful things they could do for each other, listening to their ideas for service, and watching schemes unfold. Abby did one of Jake's jobs for him one day and surprised him with treats when he came home from school another day. Jake spent a few days listlessly lying on the couch...but before all that he made a cute little trail of M&Ms for Abby that led to a little plate of conversation hearts.
Jake decided to keep things sanitary by putting each M&M in its own little plate or bowl
If you can't actually see the M&Ms in those bowls, just trust me. They were in there. 
                                   
Cupid Week also inspired me to do a few extra nice things for Cameron throughout the week. I love surprises.
We don't drink a lot of soda, but Cameron sure loves an occasional mug of root beer when we have it.
If you are looking for a fun family Valentine's Day tradition, we definitely recommend Cupid Week.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Valentine Festivities

Valentine's Day festivities are in full swing over here, and I am loving it. Last week Cameron helped Jake make these pancakes.
Later Jake put together a little Valentine's scavenger hunt with whatever candy he could find in our pantry (pretty slim pickings, unfortunately).
On Saturday Cameron took Abby to a daddy daughter dance. I am lucky to have a husband who is such a devoted father and wants to teach our daughters how they deserve to be treated.
Jake went on a double date--he took me and Grace to Arctic Circle. He actually asked me for a haircut early in the afternoon--"so I can look good for our date." What a cutie. He was a pretty decent gentleman and got a big stack of napkins for us without being asked. (The napkin supply proved to be critical when Grace got impatient with her ice cream cone and took a bite out of the bottom so she could enjoy both ends at the same time. Because there were so many napkins on hand, the ensuing display of gravity was more humorous than frustrating.)
I am grateful for a wonderful husband and terrific kids. And I am grateful to be in a season of life where we can enjoy all these fun festivities together. Motherhood is a good deal.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Stop and Savor the Honey

Abby is a delightfully happy little girl with a very active imagination.
I am a somewhat rushed and frazzled mother of young children.
Sometimes our worlds collide, like this winter when Abby has wanted to stop to sample local snowdrifts every time we get in the car, and I am usually trying to get little people loaded quickly so we're not late for our next commitment.

Then one day I was reading House at Pooh Corner to the kids and found this lovely little exchange between Tigger and Roo, who were out for a morning walk together.

Tigger: “But we mustn’t stop now, or we shall be late.”

Roo: “Late for what?”

“For whatever we want to be in time for,” said Tigger, hurrying on.

Sometimes I fear that I rush Abby too often or too unnecessarily. Perhaps I am a bit too much like Tigger. 

Then one morning I was loading the dishwasher and Abby was supposed to be emptying the breakfast plates from the table. I paused before hurrying her along and noticed her running her finger through the honey left on Jake’s plate. She slowly licked the honey from her finger, arranged his fork and spoon just so on his plate, and started chatting happily about her dance class. I was grateful I bit my tongue and witnessed her deliberate enjoyment (even if it was her brother’s plate) and contented conversation.

Sometimes I need to take a lesson from Abby or Roo. Stop, savor the honey, enjoy the moment, and don't let it pass. 

Monday, February 4, 2013

Adventures in Morning Sickness

Tuesday, January 8, approximately 7:30 am.

Cameron was at work. I was pregnant, tired, nauseated, and staggering around the kitchen trying to prepare breakfast for my hungry masses. So when Grace started picking and eating candy off the gingerbread men that somehow weren't thrown away the previous week with the other Christmas stuff, I was too sick to care.

Minutes later all three kids were eating old, stale gingerbread pieces the size of their heads. All of this before breakfast. I didn't even flinch.
Gotta love the way Grace is helping herself to the cupboard here
Morning sickness isn't all bad. Just ask my kids.